


Filling the Void

by Nova_Raven



Series: Dead and Gone Verse [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: First Time, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Zombie Apocalypse, sex as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:49:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21721285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/pseuds/Nova_Raven
Summary: But that’s the thing.  He’s never done this before, never imagined he would want this, especially with Sam… but there’s an aching emptiness inside of him, an emotional black hole that’s been steadily growing in mass and gravitational pull since the apocalypse started, since Sam refused to talk to him for two weeks… and for the first time in months, that sucking, unrelenting gravity feels a little easier to ignore.
Relationships: Colby Brock/Sam Golbach
Series: Dead and Gone Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565569
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20
Collections: Download fics





	Filling the Void

**Author's Note:**

> Missing moment from Dead and Gone. Enjoy!

It’s safe to say that Colby’s never been kissed like this. Most of the girls he’s done this with were timid, soft, more than willing to let Colby take control of the kiss and the pace. But even with the more dominant ones, the ones who would press him down into bed with a firm hand on his chest… there was still a natural push and pull to the kiss, a give and take.

Sam’s not giving him anything. He’s just taking what he needs from Colby. He’s kissing Colby with an almost bruising force, kissing him like he’s trying to engulf him with his whole being. It’s jarring, because he’d seen Sam with Kat, seen how tender and gentle he was with her, the girl he loved, and always figured that was how he was in bed. 

But then, maybe that had been reserved for the girl he loved. His other half.

The girl Colby had helped to put a bullet into.

The guy who murdered his girlfriend didn’t deserve such courtesies. 

Colby wraps his arms around Sam’s back, trying to hold Sam and provide him with some of the comfort he seemed to be seeking. Sam indulges him only for a moment, before his hands are wrapping around Colby’s wrists and pressing them into the bed above his head. The motion is followed by Sam detaching from his lips and biting _hard_ into the side of Colby’s neck. 

Colby lets out a surprised cry of pain, jolting under Sam. Sam just bites him harder, sucking the skin between his teeth into his mouth. Colby thrashes in Sam’s grip, having access to the words, knowing that he can tell Sam to stop but… not able to find the phrase. 

Sam’s hurting him. Sam’s biting white hot pain into his neck. 

But maybe it’s what Colby deserves after all. 

Sam breaks off the bite, and Colby can feel the pulsing bruise he’s left behind. He looks at Colby, searching his eyes for something, and Colby wishes that he could lean up and kiss Sam himself, but the tight grip Sam has on his wrists prevents him from doing anything that Sam doesn’t ordain. 

Because it hasn’t been said, but Colby knows that the instant he fights back, the instant he says no, Sam will be gone again. And he can’t have that. 

Sam releases his grip on Colby’s wrists, but the look Sam gives him makes it clear that he’s not to move them, not to try to grab Sam back again. Colby just nods his permission, his consent. He’s not sure what Sam’s planning, but this, this intensity between them… he’ll take it to feel _something_ from Sam again that isn’t hate, anger, or heartbreak. 

And Sam’s kissing him again, devouring his mouth again while his hands dig and scratch down Colby’s chest, digging into his hips, and Colby never wears a shirt to bed, but he’s still got boxers on but he still feels all too naked under Sam. Sam breaks the kiss to lose his own shirt, throwing it off to the side of the bed somewhere. Colby’s heart is racing as he feels Sam pressed skin to skin with him again, a gesture he hasn’t felt in months, and he longs to reach down and hug Sam against him, try to provide some sort of comfort.

But it’s been made clear to him that he’s not the one calling the shots here. So he keeps his hands where Sam’s pressed them, waiting to see where Sam will take it from here. 

He’s not sure what part of this he's getting off on, but Colby is hard when Sam grinds his hips into him. Maybe it’s just been too long since he jacked off, maybe the adrenaline of the whole thing is getting to him, maybe this was how it was always supposed to be with Sam. Maybe in some alternate universe where #Solby was real. He just knows that Sam is hard too, and it's hot and addicting to feel the way he presses Colby into the bed, seeking pleasure against him. 

_Taking_ pleasure from him. Because Colby can feel in that moment that it doesn’t really matter to Sam that Colby is into it too. Just that he’s allowing this to happen. Not fighting Sam off like he probably should be. 

This is fine. Colby is hard. He’s okay with this. 

Sam bites him again, hard over the tattoo on his chest and Colby keens again, gripping one of his wrists tightly with his other hand to keep himself grounded, keep himself from reaching down and grabbing Sam to… pull him off? Urge him to bite harder? Fuck, but pain and pleasure are getting mixed up in his head and Colby knows Sam feels the way he arches up against Sam, moaning in pleasure. 

And then Sam’s mouth is on his again, to kiss him or silence him he doesn’t know, but Sam’s hands have also shoved into his boxers and gripped him tightly so he thinks it might be the latter. The pace Sam sets up is quick, intense, borderline painful, but Colby’s so gone on all of this, the intensity, the build up of tension between them, the way Sam grips him like he might slide out of existence if he lets go or loosens his grip… fuck, but he can’t stop this. Wouldn’t know how to, even if he wanted to. 

Sam breaks the kiss and the hand he shoves over Colby’s mouth is as hard as his cock, pressing into his face and borderline cutting off his breathing because it’s pushing into his nose too, but his body doesn’t register it as bad, instead turning it into this intense burst of lust that immediately intensifies everything that is happening between them. Sam’s watching him, and Sam’s face swims in and out of focus as the sensations build and build and _fuck...!_

Colby’s coming all over himself without regard for the mess or any dignity that he might have had, and Sam’s hand presses harder against his face to muffle the cry that otherwise would have escaped his lips. Fuck, that was intense, and he’s just blinking up at Sam again when there are hands on his hips and Sam is flipping him over onto his stomach. 

Colby realizes where this is going as Sam pulls his boxers down his thighs, and he can feel that Sam is naked too, now, as he feels Sam’s hardness pressing against his tailbone, against his ass, and he pushes himself up on his elbows, trying to catch a glimpse of Sam’s eyes. 

Sam’s eyes meet his, and there’s desperation and intensity to his gaze. It’s heavily masked, but Colby knows that even now he could still tell Sam to stop, still tell him that this was too much and that he didn’t want it. 

But that’s the thing. He’s never done this before, never imagined he would want this, especially with Sam… but there’s an aching emptiness inside of him, an emotional black hole that’s been steadily growing in mass and gravitational pull since the apocalypse started, since Sam refused to talk to him for two weeks… and for the first time in months, that sucking, unrelenting gravity feels a little easier to ignore. 

So he nods at Sam, turning back and pressing his face into a pillow as he hopes that Sam has lotion or lube or something because otherwise this is about to suck really, really badly. 

He feels something cold, or maybe it’s just room temperature but everything feels almost stiflingly hot right now, pressing against him, and that’s gotta be Sam’s hand, his fingers, giving him some sort of lubrication and Colby breathes out a sigh of relief…

That’s immediately sucked back in when something much larger presses against him, and fuck that is so intense and how the fuck is he suppose to be able to take that…? He presses his face into the pillow, muffling the drawn out cry that’s being ripped from his lungs and also hiding the tears that have welled up in his eyes without his consent because _fuck_ this is intense and its just getting more and more and Colby’s gasping, shuddering, choking on what might be the start of a sob because fuck this hurts so fucking badly but this is what Sam needs, this is what Colby deserves for taking Kat from him, from holding him down and back and _fuck…_

It takes a moment to register, but when it does, Colby’s surprised it didn’t register sooner. Sam’s pressed into him, all the way because Colby can feel his hips pressed against him, but while Colby had expected Sam to bottom out and start thrusting into him without concern for Colby's wellbeing Sam’s stopped. He’s stopped moving and now that Colby can focus on something that isn’t the pressing, ripping pressure inside of him, he can feel Sam’s hand, light on his back, and hear a quiet murmuring of, “Colby? Colby, you okay?” 

Colby nods quickly, because he just wants this to be over and wants Sam to just start fucking him like he clearly planned to but Sam’s still holding still. He can feel how much Sam wants to thrust and fuck and _take_ in the trembling of his body but he’s stopped and isn’t believing that Colby is okay in this moment. Colby presses the pillow into his face to try to soak up the tears that have pressed from his eyes before he turns to look at Sam. 

For a moment, Colby catches a glimpse of his best friend, the nerdy, go getter, band kid that he’d known for seven years. The sweetheart who’d always been the brains of their operations, who treasured Colby as a friend above all others. It’s that Sam who’s looking at him now, checking to make sure that he really is okay. 

It’s the first time Colby’s seen him since Kat first got sick. 

“I’m okay, Sam.” And it’s mostly true. The aching, burning stretch has most abated into a dull throb. He’s going to be feeling this tomorrow, but that’s okay. At least he’s feeling something, right? 

Sam examines him for another moment, and fuck did Colby never think that he would be here but he also never thought the zombie apocalypse would come to LA, never thought that he would have had to hole up in the trap house with seven of his best friends only to lose three of them to the apocalypse.

Well… it seemed like maybe he hadn’t lost one of them entirely. 

And then Sam’s moving again, pulling out of him with a long, slow drag and Colby’s pressing his face back into the pillow because that’s… that’s a lot but Sam’s grabbing his hair and turning his face to the side so that Colby can see Sam’s face out of the corner of his eye once Sam’s thrusts start up in honest. 

It’s a lot, and Colby thinks Sam realizes that, regardless of if he cares or not. He tells himself that Sam must care at least a little bit, because the thrusts aren’t as harsh as they could be, more rolling pushes instead of jackhammer pulses. And as the agony of the initial penetration fades, Colby’s left with a strange sensation… one that he could almost learn to enjoy. And then Sam bites into his shoulder again and Colby shouts, and Sam presses his face back into the pillow to muffle him. 

It’s fucking intense… but so is so much of his life these days and Colby can’t find it within himself to be opposed. That open, sucking void within him feels a little less empty today, and for that he’s grateful. 

It’s surreal that it should be Sam who he falls into bed with, that he should be okay with this. 

But he is. 

And as Sam’s thrusts grow quick and erratic, and he can tell when Sam’s finished by the way his friend stills against him, he thinks this might be what he deserves, after all. 

Sam only remains on top of him for a few moments after he’s done. Then he pulls off and out, and Colby’s left with a new ache in his body, physical and emotional. He looks over to see Sam has grabbed a towel lying on Colby’s floor and is efficiently cleaning himself off. He looks over at Colby, and for just a moment, Colby can see a quiet vulnerability, an echo of what they had just done, of what it could have meant to them. 

And then it’s gone, and Sam tosses the towel at Colby. Colby catches it, hesitant to move too much and break this tension between them. Sam pulls his sweatpants back on efficiently, and then he’s walking to the door. He pauses with his hand on the knob, looking back at Colby for just a moment. Colby waits for something, some sort of comment about what they had just done, some sort of something… 

But he doesn’t get that. “Goodnight,” Sam says shortly, and then he’s gone again, and Colby hears the door to Sam’s room close and lock. 

Colby doesn’t move for a moment, staring after him. He feels sore, used, and there’s something brewing in his chest, something that Colby rolls mental eyes at and decides to ignore. 

It’s not that important anymore. 

Because Colby from before the apocalypse would have followed Sam out, would have demanded to know what the fuck that had been and what they were and what the fuck Sam thought he was doing… 

But it wasn’t before the apocalypse anymore. The world had ended and all that was left were shadows of humans, echoes of the people they had been before. 

And this… this was all Colby needed for now. 

He presses his face into the pillow and pushes out a long breath. If the next one comes out as a sob, well… it’s not like there’s anyone there to notice…

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Darkness, my old friend... 
> 
> So... more dark relationship between Colby and Sam. As you probably guessed, this is the missing moment where they have sex for the first time in Dead and Gone. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Lemme know what you thought, and as always, I'll see you in the next one.


End file.
